Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign

Yesterday, former pizza mogul Herman Cain announced at the opening of his new campaign headquarters in Atlanta that he was "suspending" his presidential campaign. Citing "prayer and soul-searching", the major reason is obviously the distraction from his campaign created by sexual harassment and adultery allegations. But there were other reasons Mr. Cain suspended his quixotic quest for the White House. What were they?

10) Couldn't tolerate the idea of another one-on-debate with Newt Gingrch, especially one moderated by Donald Trump. Even THE Herman Cain has standards, bitches.

9) Campaign was beginning to seriously cut into his texting and phone sex addiction.

8) Soul-searching turned up no results.

7) Newt Gingrich convinced him the election wasn't big enough to contain two egomaniacal serial adulterers from Georgia.

6) Mark Block announced on campaign blog he was considering quitting smoking.

5) Admitted he only wanted to show off really, really cool gold tie given to him last year for Christmas.

4) Admitted Secret Service would've cramped his smooth style.

3) After speaking with Mrs. Cain, was faced with the reality of making the transition from imaginary victim to very real one.

2) Wife wasn't too thrilled with her husband being the Charles Kuralt of the pizza business.

1) Campaign not really suspended. The head-shaking racists determined to look post-racial by supporting Cain are just seriously let down.

Isn't it funny how the GOP candidates who have "run a business" specialize in putting Americans out of work?

Mitt Romney insists that as a "successful businessman", he knows how to create jobs, despite the fact that his company, Bain Capital, was in the business of buying up companies and cutting their costs via mass layoffs.

Now we have Herman Cain insisting that as a "successful businessman" he too knows how to create jobs. There's just one problem: During his stint on the Board of Directors at Whirlpool, that company eliminated thousands of jobs via outsourcing, while at the same time paying no taxes, instead receiving huge government refunds:

The Benton Harbor, Michigan based Whirlpool corporation, which recently received a $19 million dollar stimulus grant from the Dept. of Energy to develop smart grid capable appliances, moved forward with plans to close it’s Evansville, Indiana refrigerator plant and build a new plant in Mexico.

Whirlpool closed the plant in June, eliminating 1,100 full-time jobs. They did this all the while the company is collecting public subsidies while eliminating jobs.

After buying the Maytag brand in 2006 Whirlpool shut down the manufacturing headquarters which at its peak Maytag had 4,000 workers in Newton, Iowa a town of 16,000 people 30 miles east of Des Moines. Newton is a great case study on what happens when the company town packs up and leaves. The devastating effects are quickly dominoed throughout the town and surrounding towns. Those 4,000 plus workers were supporting the other local businesses. When Maytag left, people had to leave to find work. When people left we have ghost towns that are popping up all over the United States. Towns that used to thrive, towns that people used to be proud to call home now sit mostly vacant. Is this the ‘new modern economy’ America will build it’s future around?

Taxes? That’s for poor people…

Whirpool, the world’s largest appliance maker, has been a major tax dodger. The company had negative income tax rates over the past three years, and reported a $64 million income tax benefit last year. It expects similar results this year:

Meanwhile sales at the appliance maker rose 7 percent to $18.4 billion last year after dropping during the housing slump of the previous two years. In the year-earlier quarter, the company attributed a rise in revenue to increased productivity.

Whirlpool had negative effective income tax rates in 2010, 2009 and 2008. Last year, the company reported an income tax benefit of $64 million and an effective tax rate of negative 10.9 percent, according to company filings. The company expects a similar tax benefit in 2011.

We keep hearing about how corporate taxes have to be cut in order for companies to "create jobs." When companies pay no taxes and still get refunds, how much more government largesse do they need?

If you look at the records of "successful businessmen' who run for President on the GOP side, you'll find that all of them involve active participation in the systematic gutting of this country's middle class.