The Dead End Kids of Democracy

And who lives at that dead end? Well, all of us, of course, since we all, for better or worse, have to claim American citizenship. But this goes out to you noshers o’ Republican knobs who can always be counted on to vote against your own interests and for those who work tirelessly against progress and parity and are bound and determined to keep you in your lowly, circumscribed stations.

Among the Dead End Kids are black and Log Cabin Republicans and all sorts of minority Republicans, people who are ignored, defamed, short-changed and politically sodomized to the point where we’re about to feel pity for them until we realize that they’re begging for more and get the bottom 80% earners dragged kicking and screaming into the prison shower.

In short, those who don’t know whether to shit or wind their watch or shit on their watch because they dimly realize that their master plan from 2000 and 2004 didn’t quite work out so well because, well, our reich of a thousand years only lasted about as long as The Fugitive and good riddance to Turd Blossom because he just wasn’t a good enough Republican.

Forget that he may’ve helped to cripple our nation’s weapons defense capability by outing a secret agent. Who cares that he turned the DOJ into a Democrat-hunting pogrom? Who cares if he hurt the nation?

He hurt the party.

And as any right-thinking Republican-American will tell you, it’s not our democracy or our republic that contains the Republican party but it’s the other way around.

Yes, liberal America, you bleeding heart al Qaida types who live and love too much, you with your clean air and clean water and socialized health care for everyone, this also goes out to you. It’s the Republican party that contains the nation. And you, conservative America, the unsilent minority, are the reason why Washington, DC needs just a roof to qualify as an insane asylum.

The Onion had you clowns pegged almost three years ago with the headline, “Nation’s Poor Win Election for Nation’s Rich.”

After countless decades, isn’t it obvious by now that they remember you only when election time rolls around, that they remember the “flyover states”? You know the type, or you should: The kind of politician, which is about 99.7% of them, who come off looking like those philandering fucks trying to hide that white band of skin on their newly denuded finger, looking a little too earnest as they feel the pressure of backed-up semen and will say anything, anything at all, just to get that itch satisfied?

Yeah, that type. You never see them very often in the dawn light, do you? That’s because once they’ve had their way with you, they slink out of bed, throw on their pants and carry shirt, socks and shoes all the way to the bathroom window where they then continue slinking out to rejoin their real spouses on K Street and dozens of boardrooms across America (the slime trail left by their asses makes this pretty verifiable). They haven’t even got the courtesy to leave money on the dresser.

And after all the millions that are briefly lavished on your local economies, what’s going to replace Romney’s pig roasts and Mike Huckabee’s rock concerts?

Cremating the remains of our war dead and listening to “Taps.”

Oh, and hostile farm subsidy reductions. Warrantless wiretapping and data-mining. And lots and lots of good ole down home cooking after all them war funerals.

Yeah, that’s an equitable trade, you stupid fucks.

And what about you black conservatives who form organizations such as Republicans for Black Empowerment?

Year after year, you come out in political whiteface courtesy of the neverending neocon bukkake festival. You still insist on hitching your wagon to this falling star after half your wheels have fallen off.

And when you’re reminded that the bwanas who run your adopted party have denied your people their right to vote by being branded as felons, that they studiously avoid the NAACP for years on end, that they left your brothers and sisters for dead on the Gulf coast and then blamed them for the poverty that they keep visiting on them, when they refuse to apologize for lynching, for slavery (suggesting, instead, that we should devote a whole month to honoring the never-risen confederacy), when reminded of this massive K2-sized mountain of evidence…

…you sputter, “B-b-but… Lester Maddox! Bull Connor! George Wallace!”

All of whom are dead and gone and have anything whatsoever to do with latter-day Republican racism… how? Those are Dixiecrats you’re thinking of, a small, rabid splinter of the Democratic party who don’t represent progressive liberal principles anymore than neocon racists represent your beloved Republican party. Don’t you dare lump in with those sheet-wearing psychopaths JFK and LBJ, people who brought about the Civil Rights and Voting Rights acts that today’s southern faction of the GOP actually opposed being renewed. Let’s not forget the GOP-dominated Department of Justice these days is more interested in rooting out Democrat bad guys than in enforcing the Voting Rights Act or even civil rights through its own civil rights division.

And have you forgotten all about Nixon’s “southern strategy”? Here’s Bob Herbert’s simple but mercilessly dead-on definition of it: "The truth is that there was very little that was subconscious about the G.O.P.'s relentless appeal to racist whites. Tired of losing elections, it saw an opportunity to renew itself by opening its arms wide to white voters who could never forgive the Democratic Party for its support of civil rights and voting rights for blacks."

Is it southern liberal progressive voters who are keeping your people out of the Senate and have done so since Reconstruction? Have Democrats forced Republican administrations to keep your people out of the Oval Office?

You Republican-enablers are the Dead End Kids, the ones who are really holding America back. It’s not the GOP that’s stiff-arming the 21st century from America, it’s people like you who keep voting them in. Because you’re too fucking stupid to know that you keep voting against your own interests, that a vote for the GOP is a vote for white Richistan, a vote for Halliburton, a vote for another four years or more of Iraq, while their yellow elephant progency prefer to trumpet from the sidelines and send your kids in their stead because, well, let's face it, they haven't got as much to live for...

…that the last guy who links his hands and hoists some GOP lard-ass over the wall always get left behind.