A loaf of bread....a jug of wine....a can of tuna....and bird flu

From the Federal Department of Duct Tape and Plastic Sheeting comes the latest advice on self-protection; this time in the event of avian flu:

In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

I'm not trying to be flippant in the face of what is probably a very real threat. But this government has done so little that's real to deal with the threat of avian flu -- inadequate vaccine development, inadequate poultry monitoring, and general cluelessness about how to prevent and contain an epidemic (other than paying KKR millions of dollars to build concentration camps). Billions of dollars every day are being pumped into Iraq, the Administration wants even MORE tax cuts for its friends and cronies, and this leaves nothing for dealing with avian flu.

So just as Tom Ridge advised Americans to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting as a means of keeping them terrified so they wouldn't notice how Osama Bin Laden was still on the loose and the war in Iraq was going badly, so is Mike Leavitt now telling people that only a can of Chicken of the Sea stands between them and certain death.

[Insert your own mercury contamination joke here.]