Sometimes the jokes just write themselves -- Saturday edition

No wonder Marc Maron seems depressed and talks about chucking the stand-up thing and opening a bakery that sells Anger Muffins and Scorn Scones. With the news getting more like stand-up fodder every day, journalists are getting all the good lines.

Live from the Department of Irony Department (sic) and the Natural Guard:

Certain health supplements and raisins imported from the United States failed to meet Chinese safety standards and have been returned or destroyed, the country's food safety agency said Friday, turning the tables on the U.S. amid growing worries over dangerous Chinese products.

Inspectors in the ports of Ningbo and Shenzhen found bacteria and sulfur dioxide in products shipped by three American companies, the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine said.

"The products failed to meet the sanitary standards of China," the agency said in a brief notice posted on its Web site. No details were given on when or how the inspections were conducted.

Telephones at the administration's office were not answered on Friday.

The companies were identified as K-Max Health Products Co., CMO Distribution Center of America, Inc., and Supervalu International Division.

The administration said K-Max and CMO exported health capsules, including bee pollen and bacteria-fighting supplements. Supervalu exported Sun-Maid Golden Raisins, it said.

The shipments from K-Max and Supervalu have been destroyed and CMO's capsules were returned, the notice said.

The notice did not say which contaminants were found in which products, although sulfur dioxide is sometimes used as a preservative in dried fruit. It said they were found in amounts that surpassed acceptable levels, but did not give any details.

"Local quality officials should step up the inspection and quarantine on imported food products from the U.S.," the notice said. "Chinese importers should also clarify food safety demands in contracts when importing U.S. food products, so as to lower the trade risk."

You almost have to admire their chutzpah.