Here Be Tigers

Bob Ryan:

Winning a PGA Tour event is an enormous accomplishment. With the purses at their current level, the incentive for many isn't even all that strong. A man can make a very handsome living simply making most cuts and bagging an occasional top 10. Did you hear Boo Weekley the other day? The affable rube from the Florida panhandle says he wants nothing more from his career than to make enough money during a 10- or 12-year period to be able to go back home and go after those big-mouth bass. Period.

We can only imagine what Tiger Woods thought when he heard or read that. Not playing to win? This is a completely unimaginable concept for Tiger. In fact, he addressed the idea in depth before the PGA Championship when he smirked that he was present for one reason, and it wasn't to "work on my farmer tan." The only reason to compete, he said, is to win. Otherwise, what's the point?

If you want to be a Legend, mediocrity is not an option. That's what I like about sports.

Fame in the 21st century is a gaudy tinfoil medal awarded to frauds gifted with marginal talent. Audiences who can’t tell the difference anymore between what’s real and what’s not will compulsively fill stadiums to hear a noisy, lip-syncing band who can’t sing, dance, or play their instruments very well. And then will sadly wonder why their headaches are going to last longer than the memories.

It's worse with politicians. "It takes two people to tell the truth, " the old truism goes. "One to say it, and the other one to listen to it." In politics, however, men and women running for office pretend to tell the truth and voters pretend to believe them. (People who know what's really going on usually stay home during elections and get drunk) Once these liars are in power, they never follow through on their promises (except, of course, to their lobbyists) and make our lives lousy. We reward them for being rotten at their jobs. Only in an era of monstrously lowered expectations can a lazy, nasty, inarticulate, alcoholic, ex-cokehead like George Bush (who was lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon up his ass) will be perceived as a "great" President. Say otherwise and you're helping the terrorists win.

If you're Paul Bremer, for example, his failure in Iraq made him rich and got him a lucrative book contract. But if you're an over-hyped bust like Brian Bosworth, you get kicked out of the NFL. As Bill Parcells said, "You are what your record says you are."

And athletes prove how good they are in front of us. When The Great One skated on the ice, you knew that wasn’t Wayne Gretsky’s stuntman. Hank Aaron’s 755 home runs wasn’t a trick conjured up by those mischievous rascals at Industrial Light and Magic. Michael Jordan wasn’t a mythical character in a James Frey screenplay. I’m no brainiac when it comes to jockstrap history but off the top of my head I can name Lance Armstrong, Billie Jean King, Reggie Bush, Althea Gibson, Alex Rodriguez, and Venus Williams. I’m sure you can add more. The list goes on and on. Their talent is an exhilarating affirmation of how good human beings can be and it never fails to make us feel better about ourselves.

You are what your record says you are. Simple. It sure makes it easy for sportscasters. They just report on what's happening right in front of them. If they don't, they won't be there long. When Rush Limbaugh tried to sell his racist propaganda about how awful Donovan McNabb was on "Monday Night Football", he was immediately and deservedly ridiculed for his idiocy before losing his job. But when Rush hallucinates on his radio show about how well "the Surge" is working in Iraq, his herd of loyal dittoheads will nod stupidly in agreement. Losing Is Winning. C'mon, didn't you read the New York Post this morning? And War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, and Ignorance is Strength. Jesus.

So, thank you, Tiger, and all the rest of you. Thank you for keeping it real.