Have I mentioned today just how much I hate these fucking guys?

Yes, they're the ones who beat me to a pulp, your honor.
(AP Photo)

You know, if Mr. Brilliant treated me the way the Mets do, I'd have left him ages ago.

For years I've said that being a Mets fan is like being in an abusive relationship. They beat the crap out of you by losing eight or more straight games, then they come back and win with grit and heart and the kind of goofy game that only the Mets can play. It's the baseball equivalent of coming home with candy and flowers and a sheepish look and a wheedling voice that says, "I'm sorry baby, I promise it won't happen again. It'll be different from now on, I promise." And you believe because you want to, and then they break your heart again.

Why the hell do we do it? Why do we put up with this shit and keep coming back for more? Is there a shelter and group therapy for Abused Mets Fans?

Today John Maine pitched about as beautiful a game as has ever been pitched at Shea, coming within five outs of the team's first no-hitter and striking out 14. And then he lost the no-no to the cheapest little dead-ball infield hit ever seen. He left to the biggest standing ovation I've heard outside of a postseason game, and even the bullpen rose to the occasion, not just holding onto a 13-run lead, but not giving up any runs.

There is no reason why this game couldn't have been played two weeks ago -- and played twice. There is no reason in the world, other than getting cocky and lazy too soon, why the National League East should come down to the last game of the season. None whatsoever.

As I write this, it's the middle of the 8th inning in Philadelphia and the Nationals are beating the Phillies 4-1, while San Diego is ahead of the Brewers 3-2 in the 8th. If Washington can hold the lead, the season comes down to what happens tomorrow. If both teams win, it comes down to a one-game playoff in Philadelphia on Monday.

In that case, the Mets will jump out to an early six-run lead, José Reyes will get thrown out trying to steal second with runners at the corners and one out at some point, and the bullpen will give up seven runs in the eighth. The Mets will load the bases in the 9th, but Reyes will strike out swinging for the fences at a ball a foot out of the strike zone.

You heard it here first.

Because that's the way it goes when you're a Mets fan.

SUNDAY UPDATE: Well, the old warhorse Tom Glavine, whom I said last night was the guy, barring John Maine, that I thought could pull this off, has been yanked after giving up seven runs in the top of the first.

And so it goes....