RADIO HOST: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.
GOV. PALIN: Oh, it's not him yet. I always do that.
FAKE SARKOZY: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.
GOV. PALIN: I'll just have people hand it to me right when it's him.
FAKE SARKOZY: Yes, hello, Mrs. Governor?
GOV. PALIN: Hello, this is Sarah. How are you?
FAKE SARKOZY: Fine, and you? This is Nikolas Sarkozy speaking. How are you?
GOV. PALIN: Oh, so good, it's so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.
FAKE SARKOZY: Oh, it's a pleasure.
GOV. PALIN: Thank you sir. We have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you, and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.
FAKE SARKOZY: I followed your campaigns very closely with my special American advisor, Jean [note: this is a reference to lengendary French pop star Johnny Hallyday], the other day.
GOV. PALIN: Yes, good.
FAKE SARKOZY: Excellent, are you confident?
GOV. PALIN: Very confident, and we're thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening.
FAKE SARKOZY: Well, I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?
GOV. PALIN: I feel so good, I feel like we're in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow through the finish.
FAKE SARKOZY: You see, I got elected in France because I'm real, and you seem to be someone who's real as well.
GOV. PALIN: Yes, Nikolas we so appreciate this opportunity.
FAKE SARKOZY: You know, I see you as a president one day too.
GOV. PALIN: Haha, maybe in eight years.
FAKE SARKOZY: Well, I hope for you, you know we have a lot on common because personally, one of my favorite activities is to hunt, too.
GOV. PALIN: Oh, very good, we should go hunting together.
FAKE SARKOZY: Exactly, we could go try hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in France, (says long French-sounding phrase).
GOV. PALIN: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together as we're getting work done. We could kill two birds with one stone that way.
FAKE SARKOZY: I just love killing those animals, mm mm, taking away life, that is so fun. I would really love to go as long as we don't bring vice president Cheney, haha.
GOV. PALIN: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.
FAKE SARKOZY: Yes, you know we have a lot in common because from my house I can see Belgium. That's kind of less interesting than you.
GOV. PALIN: Well, see, we're right next door to other countries that we all need to be working with, yes.
FAKE SARKOZY: Some people said in the last days, and I thought that was mean, that you weren't experienced enough in foreign relations and you know, that's completely false. That's what I said to my great friend, Prime Minister of Canada, (says French-sounding name).
GOV. PALIN: Well, you know, he's doing fine too, when you come into a position underestimated, it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.
FAKE SARKOZY: I was wondering, because you are so next to him, one of my good friends the PM of Quebec, Mr. Richard Serroi. Have you met him recently? Has he come to one of your rallies?
GOV. PALIN: I haven't seen him at one of the rallies, but it's been great working with the Canadian officials in my role as governor. We have a great cooperative effort there, as we work on all of our resource development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife, oh my goodness; you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.
FAKE SARKOZY: Thank you very much, you know my wife Carla would love to meet you. You know, even though she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.
GOV. PALIN: Well give her a big hug for me.
FAKE SARKOZY: You know my wife is a singer and a former hot top model. And she's so hot in bed, she even wrote a song for you.
GOV. PALIN: Oh my goodness, I didn't know that.
FAKE SARKOZY: Yes, in French it's called Rouge Alleve Serre Caution, or if you prefer in English "Joe the Plumber it is Life, Joe the Plumber". [note: it should be spelled as "Route Alleve Sur Cochon" which it translates to "Lipstick on a Pig."]
GOV. PALIN: Maybe she understands the some of the unfair criticism, but I bet you she's such a hard worker too and she realizes you just plough through that criticism.
FAKE SARKOZY: I just want to be sure, I don't quite understand the phenomenon Joe the Plumber, that's not your husband, right?
GOV. PALIN: That's not my husband, but he's a normal American who just works hard and doesn't want government to take his money.
FAKE SARKOZY: Yes, yes, I understand. We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France, it's called "Marselle the Guy with Bread Under his Armpit". Oui.
GOV. PALIN: Right, that's what it's all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You're a very good example for us here.
FAKE SARKOZY: I seen a bit, but NBC, even Fox News wasn't an ally, an ally, sorry about as much as usual.
GOV. PALIN: Yes, that's what we're up against.
FAKE SARKOZY: I must say, Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life - you know, Hustler's "Nailin' Palin".
GOV. PALIN: Oh good, thank you.
FAKE SARKOZY: That was really edgy.
GOV. PALIN: Well good.
And not for one minute does she realize she's been punked until they reveal it right after this exchange. The woman is quite simply a moron. She may have shrewd political instincts, and God knows she has the kind of ambition that used to give Republicans nightmares when it was embodied in someone named "Hillary Clinton." But it's so clear from this exchange that she's yet another Republican narcissist for whom it's all about her -- paying homage to her, extolling her bee-yoo-tee, flirting with her, fawning all over her. It's as if Maureen Dowd woke up tomorrow and was an apocalyptic nutjob who believes that the "Godly" should plunder the "wealth of the 'Godless'."
Sure, the call is funny, or would be if Sarah Palin were some mindless pop tart who makes millions lip-syncing and gyrating around a stage. But this is a woman who is practically frothing at the mouth to be President of the United States as if the title were something akin to Queen of the Biggest Prom in the Universe.
This is why if Barack Obama manages to prevail on Tuesday, we have exactly five minutes to celebrate before we get back to work. Unless the Democrats manage to either pull out a filibuster-proof majoriity or somehow find their proverbial nutsacks with both hands, the Republicans will pave the way for Queen Sarah I by blocking anything that Obama wants to do.
Maybe Republicans think this is amusing. Maybe they think that Sarah Palin's level of stupidity and willful ignorance is somehow charming. Maybe they're all a bunch of Rich Lowrys whose only fun in life is imagining that a 44-year-old ex-beauty queen is winking at them personally. But we are facing a future that's deadly serious, and this country can never, ever, ever be put in the hands of a woman who thinks stupidity is not only a virtue, but makes one somehow superior.
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