I can hear the whisper of the masses rolling eyes, (and Jill screaming,) but I'm afraid that I'm gonna have to say a little something about Jamie Lynne Spears and her unfortunate pregnancy. As repugnant as I find that family's embrace of the trailer park life and their across the board misuse of a huge platform that could be used for some sort of good in the world; as stupid I think she is, and as annoyed as I am about the immediate pile on (well, Huckabee so far,) of the religi-tizing and politicizing of the issue of a young girl deciding to announce to the world that she is having his love child, as opposed to deciding to quietly take care of it, or drop out and have it and adopt it out, or pass it on to a family member, (hopefully not her mom, she seems sort of inept in the parenting department,)there are a few points that Willie Giest and Morning Joe aren't bringing to the table on this; we may have to wait for Oprah, y'know, because she tends to represent the other side of this coin....sometimes....depending on how it spins and where it lands. Heads you're a hero, trailblazer, and tails you're a pathetic victim.
It was my nephew who mentioned it last night as we talked about Christmas on the cell phone. It was a quick turn from him helping Will and Ben set up the Xbox 360 Live, and then a quick mention...had I heard? Of course I had, but 13 year old boys, (as nephew is too,) don't pay much attention, unless its an opening for a cautionary tale of stupidity; that is, unless they have a much younger sister who watches these shows. Suddenly tasked to say the right thing, I tend to do OK, because I believe in treating kids like intelligent beings who have a certain developing moral and ethical core. So, I quickly had to get past the 'stupid trailer-trash' nastiness that goes through my mind whenever certain people fuck up, and get to asking him what he thought. Ah, kids these days....The answers are not far from what you hear on every talk show, except that no one is all that surprised; they are more surprised that she got caught and that she didn't just handle it quietly.
I'm not sure how well this sort of thing goes over these days, in a world where the heroine's sister acts out so badly, and taking into account that, in some part of the culture of their people, it happens and its expected. But in this day and age, its probably worth it to scream the basic fact that these people are incredibly wealthy and they have the luxury to handle this in any way they see fit. That is definitely not true of most young girls in this country. If Jamie Lynn is to be applauded for having a child at 16, and keeping it...even marrying the father, then as much time should be given to the truth about what this situation is outside of the Disney life that these kids are living. Even the Nwe York Times didn't delve further into this than Jamie Lynn's own statement:
''I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait,'' she told the magazine. ''But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in.''
I applaud her realizing that she put herself in this spot, but I cant see how she can just leave that hanging without more than this:
''It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected,'' she said. ''I was in complete and total shock and so was he.''
Oh really? Well, then your tutor didn't do a very good job of explaining what happens when you have unprotected sex, or the condom breaks, or you forget your pill. This was an opportunity missed. So many young girls look up to this kid, and she acts like she had an unexpected visitor from out of town or something.
In a second article, The New York Times covers how this is maybe a good thing because everyone is talking about it; cue Linda Ellerbee for a special program being developed by Nick. But its clear that who is discussing this a New York Times reporter looking on, are older kids who are concerned with their younger sibling's reaction when they find out what Zoe 101 is up to in real life, and the actual younger siblings with a concerned mom present. You see, Zoe is apparently one of the few girl's characters who is empowering to young girls; who has her shit together. As the older girls (and my sister this morning,) are hoping that the younger ones just wont find out, its probably worthwhile to point out that its nearly impossible to stop this news from passing through every school lunchroom in the country. But I'm less worried about girls who are discussing this with their Moms or any sane adult person. Its the ones out there who have to be independent too early, and who are making decisions on the fly with no real base of reality. Its the kids who want someone to pay attention to them and to love them, and who want a dress up doll like Jamie Lynn will no doubt display on the cover of OK and Enquirer. And its every kid who thinks that they are madly in love at 16 years old and who dreams of getting married to that boy. How are they supposed to parse this?
In the real world,so many people, (even blond people,) are not working, and if they are its at some minimum wage job, or jobs, because in most places no one can make ends meet on what you take home from a full time, minimum wage job. If no work can be found, welfare pays only around $350 per month, per kid, and you have to work for that eventually anyway, (like when the baby is 6 weeks old, )so be prepared for the baby to be in daycare beginning quite early. Then, if you can get section 9 housing, you have to pay rent according to what you make, which is a little too high to give you any sort of cushion for anything extra. One kid orders pay per view movies and runs your cable bill up and you're sunk for that month at least, probably much longer...forget the ring tones and all the other trouble that comes up and can totally derail your finances; forget illness, and doctor visits, and transportation, and food...forget it all...$350 per month hardly buys diapers and some food; forget the rest.
Most of the parents I know who are living in what is the inner city here, are trying very hard to watch their kids and stay involved, even though they have to work more than full time and keep house. They also have to trust dwindling government programs and charities to keep the children occupied while they work those long hours. So much falls between the cracks and so much is lost, including some of the children, who make mistakes at a much higher rate than they would if they were raised by at least one parent who has some time. Children definitely act out more and get in more trouble if parents are stretched beyond their ability to cope and if they have to endure long hours at after-school programs. I don't know what the studies say, but I do know what I see all around me, even in a more affluent area where many people work because it takes 2 incomes to make it here.
I suppose you can congratulate any 16 year old boy who wants to marry the mother of his kid, but that is as destined to fail as is the father who is only peripherally involved. It is the rarest of 16 year olds who have the patience or selflessness to take care of a baby, much less raise a child to adulthood. It must be nice to have a financial cushion so that you don't have to go to school, work, and then come home and care for your child; it must be nice.
In reality, having a baby in the best of circumstances is the hardest thing any of us will ever do. They need so much attention and require so much sacrifice. They also give alot of joy. But I cant imagine, having raised one alone but with independent income, what it would be like not to have any financial resources, trying to make ends meet, and to have to work the way I'm seeing people work, if they can even find jobs. Its a wonder that people can find any joy at all in lives that must seem pretty bleak, and its a wonder that more people aren't throwing their babies out the window, with how very difficult it is to care for an infant, even with 2 people helping each other.
I'm sure that the early tribal model of sex separated long houses worked better for raising kids because the whole society pitched in and fulfilled specific purposes, with the babies being cared for by large groups of supportive women, and the men taking the boys as soon as they got a little older. I'm not espousing any societal model, but, it seems like the nuclear family's breakdown has led to this destructive cycle of kids bound to repeat the actions that they've lived through, no matter how much their parents try to protect them. Some of this is because the education system is screwed up, and we need to infuse it with money of the kind that has been pissed away in Iraq, but more of it is the troubling truth that its unclear to kids what they can be, and where they fit in society anymore. If kids dont have a strong sense of self and worth, how can they want to go further than the walls of their own personal barrio? There are no jobs, really. What are kids supposed to aspire to anymore? We cant even offer a secure factory job, much less technical jobs...forget it. Everyone seems to be dreaming of being a star and winning the lotto. There are no more realistic aspirations for the majority of kids coming out of the government system.
So, while Nick scrambles to serve the stockholders, as sponsors jump ship, and while the rest of us talk about how stupid and trashy the Spears family is, lets keep in mind that even if we say its bad, someone out there will think that its OK and even possible because Zoe 101 did it. This is an opportunity to talk to kids about this and to have a real conversation. This is about the structure of our society; Huckabee wants the church to embrace and forgive her? How about a strong statement about how to fight poverty and stem this problem by allowing more wiggle room for parents to be with their LIVE kids, and about actual money pledged to allow the existing kids in this country to have more life experiences that indicate to them that there is a future out there and that they can make choices that effect their lives in many ways. They have a choice and they have control of deciding NOT to take stupid chances that will change the entire course of their lives. The power of making choices with an eye to the long term and the importance of critical decision making, is something that is missing in a society where its easier to redistribute society's wealth when you have a population that is undereducated, poor, and scared. In taking the easy way out, we are exacerbating the problem. Its penny wise, (and not even,) but pound foolish!
This is not about a foolish rich girl doing something stupid. Its about the reverberations that shift our culture more and more towards a helpless model of despair, (i.e. learned helplessness,) on every level of society, and which will impact each part differently, but ultimately effect us all.
cross posted from RIPCoco
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