I remember when the empty suit who has occupied the White House for the last six-plus years took office, there was a sigh of relief from traditionalists who were welcoming a First Lady who "knew her place", who realized that being First Lady was about children and tea parties and walking one step behind their husbands and being an anachronism to which few women today can relate. And while there are the much-studied-of-late high-achieving women who have decided to chuck it all and trust that their high-income husbands won't trade them in on younger trophy wives the minute the hot flashes kick in or the Botox no longer keeps up wit the laugh lines, the reality is that most American women work. And while the majority don't have careers like Michelle Obama's, the idea that in 2007 a woman whose husband is running for president can't just go about her business is disheartening.
Of course there isn't much that even Maureen Dowd can gripe about with Michelle Obama, though it isn't for lack of trying. It isn't as if she's Judy Dean, who didn't wear makeup and always looked more at home in a turtleneck and jeans than in the pastel-colored suits that are the Mandatory Uniform for the Aspiring First Lady. Imagine the skewering that Judy Dean would have endured had her husband's campaign been successful. That she is a physician would have meant nothing if her nails weren't perfectly polished. But Michelle Obama is slim, poised, attractive, well-dressed, and impeccably coiffed. I haven't seen enough of her appearances to know if she projects an image soft enough to placate the harpies on the right whose high-powered careers are perfectly all right under the IOKIYAR rule. But that the invisible hand that seems to run political campaigns like the guys in the big old house in Stepford has already begun to attempt the transformation of Michelle Obama from an accomplished woman into the glazed-eyed, vapid, drugged cipher that is Laura Bush is alarming.
Debra Dickerson:
Damn it all, Michelle Obama has quit her $215,000 dream job and demoted herself to queen. Though the party line is that she's only "scaled back" to a 20 percent workload, I doubt her former co-workers will bother alerting her to many staff meetings. She's traded in her solid gold résumé, high-octane talent and role as vice president of community and external affairs at the University of Chicago Hospitals to be a professional wife and hostess.
Now, the energy and drive that had her up jogging before dawn and a gratifying day of work and family will mainly be spent smiling for the cameras. Just as we watch curvy, healthy-looking singers and actresses like Lindsay Lohan become anorexic too-blonde hoochies before our very eyes, so we're now in danger of having to watch the political version of that process: Any day now, Michelle Obama's handlers will have her glued into one of those Sunday-go-to-meeting Baptist grandma crown hats while smiling vapidly for hours at a time. When, of course, she's not staring moonstruck, à la Nancy Reagan, at her moon doggie god-husband who's not one bit smarter than she is.
My heart breaks for her just thinking about it. Being president will be hard. So will being first lady for the brilliant Michelle -- imagine, having to begin all your sentences with "My husband and I..."
I'm in a feminist fury about Michelle (I'll use her first name to avoid confusion with her husband) feeling forced to quit, but make no mistake: I'm not blaming her. Few could stand up to the pressure she's facing, especially from blacks, to sacrifice herself on the altar of her husband's ambition. He could be the first black president, you know! Also, she must be beside herself trying to hold things together for her daughters. I'm blaming the world and every man, woman, child and border collie in it who helps send the message that women's lives must be subordinate to everyone else's.
No doubt her modern, progressive husband assured her she didn't have to quit -- probably even tried to dissuade her. It's also quite likely she's making this sacrifice so her children will have at least one parent available. But the result is the same. Our daughters grow up knowing that their freedom to work at hard-won, beloved careers hinges on the doings of their husbands.
[snip]
I am not saying Michelle Obama is just another member of the so-called opt-out revolution; clearly, her reasons for leaving her job are historic -- and even so, she clearly seems pained to do it. And I hate to add to Michelle's load, but even though she's made the choice to leave work, I hope she'll keep her role in women's history in mind and increase the tiny inroad political wives have made into something approaching women's freedom of choice. With her personal wealth (albeit obtained by marriage) Theresa Heinz laid some groundwork, speaking her mind on the campaign trail and generally refusing to be mealy-mouthed and dull. Kudos to Dr. Judith Steinberg Dean, too, for refusing to give up saving lives to chat up reporters on her husband's tour bus. But until more women who want to work feel free to do just that, they'll continue to be mere appendages of their men, and the American workplace will remain just as family-unfriendly as it is now.
I hope the handlers aren't successful in their mission and that Michelle Obama's decision is born of wanting to be a parent to her daughters at a time when there is just one more demand on her life and if she can't do it all perfectly because there are only 24 hours in a day, she will pick and choose. But somehow I don't think that's the case. And unless we see someone like Bill Clinton explaining the decorations on the White House Christmas Tree and planning the menu for the state dinners, it's going to continue to be only the wives who have to give up their lives to their husbands' ambition.
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