More good Christian moral values

Since blog readers tend to skew young, most readers of this blog probably know who Scott Stapp is. I have no business knowing who Scott Stapp is, but my aging brain, which can't remember anything I have to do without a constant barrage of Outlook nags, seems to have an undiminished capacity for remembering the unimportant, and so I do.

For the unfamiliar, Scott Stapp is the former lead bellower of the bombastic late and unlamented sort-of-Christian band Creed. All you have to know about Scott Stapp is that he was a marginal Christian until he saw Mel Gibson's orgy of beating a Jew to a pulp in early 2004, and how watching this orgy of bloodlust make him turn to God.

Well, as is all too often typical of Christian tubthumpers, Mr. Stapp's own behavior requires the kind of clean-slate Christianity he now embraces, because, as August Pollak has revealed, the man just can't control his own baser nature unless he can palm off his sins onto a guy who's been dead for nearly 2000 years:

Former Creed lead singer Scott Stapp and members of the band 311 were involved in a fight on Thanksgiving in the lounge of a luxury hotel, according to hotel security staff and 311 members.
311 were in Baltimore for a weekend concert when several members ran into Stapp earlier that day, band drummer Chad Sexton told The Associated Press. Both Stapp and 311 have the same producer, and Sexton said there were no problems during the first meeting.

But Stapp later came into the Harbor Court Hotel bar while Sexton and bandmates SA Martinez and P-Nut were watching basketball on television. He stepped in front of the screen and said, "311, I am ready to fight," according to Sexton.

Sexton said the band tried to defuse the situation, and Stapp went to the bar to drink. Later, he made "inappropriate" comments to Martinez's wife, and was confrontational with Sexton.

And it gets even better (Note: The blogger quoted below refers to Stapp as "Creed"):

So I'm saying goodbye to pals Jeanine and Heather. They have a few friends over to their place and are already stoned and drunk, seemingly ready for bed quite soon. I hear mumbling in the other room of some kids leaving soon because they have to go see Scott Stapp. My pop culture radar is not currently on, so I'm missing the reference. Instead, I think they're just talking about a friend who's driving in from out of town. But they're quite adamant about seeing Scott. "I'm fucking walking to Denny's to see Scott if I have to, I don't care if no one else goes!" one kid says.

So I'm curious and ask one of the guys what's going on. He tells me the background story: Apparently, one of their friends met Scott Stapp (who, because I find no problem with conflation, will for the rest of the story be referred to as "Creed") at an airport bar and the girl pretended to be interested. At the end of their conversation, he asked for her number and because she was going to Amsterdam, she gave Creed her friend's number instead. The girl then calls her friend and warns her that Creed might be calling her sometime in the future for a hook-up.

Which he does. Friday night. He flew into Orlando and gave the girl a call. The girl, thrilled at the prospect of making Creed look like an idiot, plays along. "You should drive up to Gainesville tonight to see me!" she says. Creed, because his star has fallen quite a bit recently (if you hadn't noticed) eagerly accepts the offer to drive 2 hours to get some pussy. I guess the groupies aren't lining up outside the airport like they used to.

I heard through the grapevine that night that Creed had actually kicked Scott Stapp out of their band. I don't know if this is true or not as no one on the Internet has any stories about it. But I googled him recently and found out that his solo career isn't taking off nearly like he expected, despite being the first released single off the Passion of the Christ Songs CD-- songs inspired by the movie. Mel Gibson hand picked him for a special screening, and he wrote a song after he was so personally affected by the movie. Douche.

Anyway, so the guy who was so spiritually affected by The Passion of the Christ is now hightailing it to Gainesville to tag a piece of ass he met in an airport bar. And he's having his ghettotastic hootchie skanky Jersey girl sleaze of a sister drive him. Yes, Creed is making his sister drive him to the Gainesville Denny's for a booty call.

Oh, just go read the whole thing. It's just the kind of deliciously snarky smackdown of self-righteousness that the doctor ordered on a snowy Sunday morning in America in the Bush era.

I think Stapp has a brilliant future ahead of him as a Republican politician.

(hat tip for the Denny's story: Atrios)