Hey, Jesus, when you come back with your sword, start with the credit card companies

Joe Queenan once wrote a review of the athlete/cannibal film Alive! in which he describes shouting at the screen, "Eat Vincent Spano first!" In a like vein, let's assume for a moment that the Christofascists are right, and Jesus is about to return on his giant white horse (I think the plan is for him to borrow Shadowfax from Gandalf), brandishing Excalibur (nothing like mixing your mythical archetypes, is there?) to smite the unholy. As for me, I'll be shouting at him "Smite the Credit Card Companies first!"

To hear the Christofascists tell it, he'll be coming after people like me first -- a Jewish woman who's not religious, a feminist, no kids, contraceptive user (alas, no abortions), a liberal and a vociferous one -- and that calling attention to myself might not be the wisest course. But I'd be more likely to accept Jesus if he went after the credit card companies first.

I have one card that I use for monthly bills. This way my long distance, my New York Times weekend subscription, my Dish Network fees, and Netflix, all get paid at once. And of course I pay off the balance every month.

This is, as expected, giving the issuer fits, particularly because I earn points for purchases on this particular card.

I have another card that I used a "no fee, no interest till..." cash check for one installment on some work on the house. I've budgeted so that this balance will be paid off -- just as the 0% rate expires. This issuer too is having canniptions. It's already April, and they've finally stopped sending me more advance checks, having realized that they're not going to get any interest from me.

I love messing with these guys; they hate it when you beat them at their own game.

Jazz Shaw today deconstructs one of the many "too good to be true" offers he gets. When Jesus chased the moneylenders from the temple, this is what he was trying to get rid of. Too bad the Christofascists in Congress have aligned themselves with those their Savior purged.