Ice Packs and Cheese of Mass Destruction

I have to confess: I fell for it this time, hook, line and sinker. You see, I hate to fly. I am a fearful flyer under the best of circumstances, and while I'm better than I used to be, left to my own devices I would Just Stay Home. So when I read (and linked to) this story about the TSA cofiscating items that were indicative of terrorist dry runs, and with not one but two trips coming up in the next few weeks, I went into a mild, but still significant, freakout mode. Yes, I know that the government lies through their teeth, and I know all about the Nexus of Politics and Terror. But one thought haunted me: Why all that cheese? It was the cheese that made it credible -- not that they were making Cheez Bombs, which have caused much mirth and merriment over the airwaves in recent days, but who the heck takes processed cheese in their luggage?

I of course didn't stop to think about things like preparing for being trapped in a plane on a runway for 10 hours with no food, or being trapped in, oh, say, people headed for the the Swan and Dolphin hotel at Disney World, where a grilled cheese sandwich and a Pepsi for your six-year-old is going to not only run you fifteen bucks, but require you to sit through a couple of grim college students dancing to "Let's Go To the Hop."

Enter Keith Olbermann and Will Bunch to save the day.

This morning I told Mr. Brilliant about the fact that the "ice packs in which the gel had been replaced with clay were in fact leaking ice packs in the luggage of a Long Island grandmother in her mid-60's, who had been pulled aside when the ice packs were found and asked by TSA authorities if she knew Osama Bin Laden. I said, "Wanna bet that this woman wasn't even Muslim? Wanna bet that in fact she was a nice little Jewish grandmother from Lon-gyland?" Well, thanks to DBK and Blondesense Liz, I now know that I was right.

Meet Sara Weiss.

And oh, it gets even better. Via Facts Not Fairies comes this CNN video from Friday's Situation Room debunking the entire "dry run" theory:

Needless to say, I'm somewhat less terrified to get on a plane on Thursday than I was. But you know, I think I'm going to leave those two back issues of Yoga Journal that I haven't read yet at home. After all, interest in anything having to do with non-Western culture is a cause for suspicion. I guess that also means that I'm going to have to leave the most recent Jodi Picoult novel at home, because it's about a school shooting. And I guess I shouldn't take my copy of Armed Madhouse either, nor last week's Newsweek with the cover story about Islam in America. So what CAN I bring on the plane? I know -- I have an Old Testament with English on one side and Hebrew on the other. They can't do anything to me for carrying a Bible, with me? Oh yeah, that Hebrew could be a problem. So what the hell can I take on the plane to read?

But you know what REALLY worries me now? Dan Abrams is doing stories on shark attacks again. So is Discovery Channel. Just like they did during the summer of 2001.