My predictions for the Obama speech tonight

Mark Riley had callers tonight making all kinds of pie-in-the-sky predictions about what President Obama is going to say tonight in his speech about the BP oil disaster. They're expecting everything from a Marshall Plan for alternative energy to criminal charges against BP executives.

I don't know where these people have been for the last year and a half, but here's what I expect him to say:

1) I'm angry.

2) I'm REALLY angry.

3) Hey, Chuck [Todd], am I angry enough for you now?

4) The people of the Gulf coast really need you to spend your money at their beaches before they're gone.

5) Have some cocktail shrimp. They're perfectly safe.

Let's see how close I get. Tune in later.

UPDATE: Pretty close, I'd say, at least for ineffectual points. Convene a commission, good old American know-how, and prayer.

Yup. That'll solve the problem.

UPDATE: Rachel is pretty disgusted too:

So is Robert Reich.

So what is the deal with this guy? Is he, as I fear, just biding his time until he can go home and use the contacts he's made to parlay his role as ex-president into some kind of big fat corporate job? Is he so paralyzed by this Ingratiate-With-The-White-People baggage he has that he simply cannot address a crisis? Or were we completely sold a bill of goods and he is truly, in his heart and soul, a corporatist at heart who really thinks Americans can go fuck themselves, this country should be run only for the rich and he's going to become one of them, dammit?

I thought he would sell us out one teensy-tiny bit less than Hillary Clinton would. But that tiny bit is getting tinier by the day.