Barack Obama and football

Even before the Rush Limbaugh foofarah, football always seemed like a Republican game, what with its war war metaphors and its barely-suppressed homoeroticism masquerading as a caricature of macho and its bizarre elitist ticketing structure. Baseball, the friendly game that resembles a neighborhood game of tag more than Touch War, always seemed like the liberals' game, despite the relentless parade of guys pointing to the heavens every time they hit a home run. George Carlin explained this dichotomy repeatedly over the years in one of his best recurring routines:

Of course now with new stadiums that have to be paid for and in-person attendance at baseball games in New York now being as inaccessible to ordinary families as football, the diference is starting to blur just a bit.

I started to finally understand the game of football a couple of years ago during that fantastic Super Bowl in which the Giants won in the last few minutes of the game. We had just gotten the hi-def TV and suddenly what had previously looked like just 22 guys on the field trying to kill each other now looked like something semi-coherent. So this year, with the Giants expected to be reasonably good and the Jets having that cute quarterback who seems to suffer so for his art, I've found myself with Mr. Brilliant watching the games on Sunday. So I actually understand what this exercise in metaphor means:

Obama was handed the football at the Democrats one yard line. The team outlined eight plays it needed to get a touchdown. Close Gitmo, repeal DADT, repeal DOMA, run a transparent government with no secret meetings, reform health care, bring our troops home from Iraq, and provide a stimulus to energize the economy and create much needed jobs.

The home team fans are in shock that we're not even close to a goal, and it's fourth and ten at the fifty yard line! This administration is preparing to punt as there is absolutely no possibility they will pull out a fourth and ten with their playbook.

[snip]

That brings Obama, unfortunately, to where he is now. He's blown three downs on his health plan, by not handing off to his backs, who had a clear line and yardage with the public option. Instead, Obama thought he could throw completed passes over the heads of the defense, who had all the top line receivers covered. Now, it's fourth and ten, on the fifty yard line, and despite his favorable numbers when the game started, it's clear he's not going to get the first down before the first quarter ends, based on the fact that he has brought in the punting squad on the health care reform play.

It's sad for those of us that put money on this game, and felt Obama was the best quarterback this country had for taking back our rights and leading us forward in popularity in the eyes of the world. Instead, he has failed to follow the calls made from the sideline, lost yardage and was sacked when he made audibles, and now is forced to punt because the team is not sure they can complete a fourth and ten on the fifty yard line with their true health care reform play.

And all of this against a team whose record is worse than that of the Detroit Lions.

So we thought we were getting Tom Brady -- handsome, confident, hot wife, a dominant player in a brutal game. Did we in fact get Mark Sanchez, a guy whose rookie limitations were hidden in yesterday's 38-0 trouncing of the hapless Raiders, who can't play in cold weather and who's just too sensitive for this cold, cruel world?

(h/t)