Why not just say "It's OK If You're a Republican" and be done with it?

John Ensign -- The Biggest Fucking Hypocrite in the Country Not Named 'Mark Sanford':

When President Bill Clinton's relationship with a White House intern erupted a decade ago, Sen. John Ensign called for his resignation.

But the Nevada Republican says that situation is different from one he faces after admitting to an extramarital affair with a former campaign aide. Ensign told The Associated Press that he didn't lie under oath like Clinton did and that he hasn't "done anything legally wrong."

"President Clinton stood right before the American people and he lied to the American people," Ensign said. "You remember that famous day he lied to the American people, plus the fact I thought he suborned perjury. That's why I voted for the articles of impeachment."

Ensign made the remarks Wednesday before speaking at a Chamber of Commerce luncheon in rural Fernley.

The event was Ensign's first public appearance in his home state since acknowledging in June that he had an affair with his friend's wife, former campaign aide Cynthia Hampton.

"I think it would be inappropriate to start any other way than to say I'm sorry," Ensign said. "I've said I'm sorry. I can't say I'm sorry enough. I made a big mistake in my life and I apologize once again to all of you."

Coming next week: John Ensign explains how a Jewish carpenter who said we should be nice to each other and take care of the poor got nailed to a cross 2000 years ago and that means he can do whatever the hell he want because he believes when that Jewish carpenter was murdered, he somehow absorbed all the sins of all who believe this for all eternity.

And the week after that he'll explain how he was specifically targeted by Satan because Satan and God are engaged in this perpetual game of Skee-Ball at an arcade in Keansburg, NJ and Satan gets extra bonus points for tempting believing Christians and getting them to stray from their spouses.

Grab the popcorn.